These girls mean the world to me

My last post…after re-reading…might have sounded more sad then I wanted it to. I was FAR from sad at the wedding…it was like it FINALLY clicked with me…all those people that say that real love is some fairly tale…are WRONG. I saw it first hand with 3 very special couples…and it proves all those non-believers WRONG!

It was both and honor and joy to be able to share in this very special day with Amy and CL…one I will never forget. These girls are amazing and I love coming together with them…and seems like no time has passed at all. I can’t wait until we are able to get together again! Until then…

 

 

And they shall love until the end of time…

Yup…that’s what describes Amy and Mark’s wedding. I truly believe that they could’ve been on a deserted island…and it would’ve been the same….you can just tell that when they look at each other…that’s the only thing they see…is one another.

I had the honor of attending Amy and Mark’s wedding and seeing the 6 people that make me aspire to never settle for less then everything. Ms. M…Jill…Amy……they have it all. People look all their lives for what they have…and those three girls desearve it so very much. I loved watching them…it got me thinking about the people I’ve dated in the past…did I ever have anything even remotely close to that? I can’t imagine…but nobody would be able to give up on that kind of love. The best thing about seeing these 3 couples together? That none of them were sided with the men being the one in control…or the women in control…it was this equality that was there…not spoken…just there. You could tell without anyone even saying anything the level of love and respect that they have for one another. The supportiveness of each other…all could be seen just from the looks given to one another.

It was amazing to see these three girls that I met which seems like forever ago…so very much in love. When we all met…ha…we were all single. Amazing huh? Now each and every one of them has found their soul mate…and while at times it makes me sad…I know…that what they have…is truly what I aspire to have…and I know…that I can NEVER…EVER settle for anything less.

Things I’d like to say right about now…

• I truly use to look up to you and consider you one of my better friends. I trusted you…and you betrayed that trust. You threw our friendship out the window and didn’t think twice. When I asked you straight up if I had done something you said, “wow…I don’t know what to say…except I’m hungry and we only get 1/2 hour for lunch” Thanks for the smack in the face. I have lost all respect for you and truly wish I didn’t have to see you and experience you being down right rude and mean to me. It makes me angry that you can be so mean to someone and not even think twice about it. I’m sick of your stupid comments. If you have something to say to me…then just do it. I’m sick of the snide remarks…you know…if you would just say what you are feeling…yell…scream…say that you hate me…just get it out so we can fucking work together…we don’t have to be friends…but you don’t have to treat me like shit either.
• I wish you could see how much you have to offer…but I don’t know if I can go one more day without you standing up and making the necessary changes in your life. I told you this earlier this week…you can’t be angry at the world for the way your life is today…if you don’t like it…change it…we make decisions every morning when we get up…and sometimes they are bad..but that’s life…and we have to make the best of it.
• You have, once again, shown me just how crazy you really are. No real reason to give more time into thought about that. Get help.

 

I had more…but after seeing the perfect couple get married…I figured that a post should be in honor of that

 

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That’s no surprise

So I went to get a massage on Saturday (YAYYYYYYYYYYY me!) and as she is massaging my back some comes across two HUGE knots in my shoulder area…hmmm…

Wonder what THOSE could’ve came from…

The one on my left is Work…meaning work people specifically…two to be exact…B and K…hmmm — guess what is back already first thing Monday morning??!!

The one on the right? That has been named - “how is that gunna work?” — meaning the ONLY question I seem to be getting in regards to Metro and I…I’ve never been more sick of a phrase/question before…

That one hasn’t come back yet…but give it time…I’m sure it will in a couple of days

*sigh*

Ever realize that it’s nearly impossible to be UNhappy during a spring weekend like this?

 

Seriously…I think Spring is where most people are just so happy…happy about fresh starts…better weather…and just life in general.

Good feeling

Ahh…where was I?

Oh yes…the dentist. Fun stuff right there.

My life has been one big roll of boredom as of lately…work…school…eating SUPER healthy…some exercising…school…school…school…….ok…I’ll stop.

So I guess I do have one interesting thing that has come up. Do you all remember the friend that “broke-up with me” (stopped being my friend) on MySpace? Well a couple weeks back…actually more then that…months I’d say….her mother (whom I happen to see a lot here at work) found out that she might have cancer…sweetest lady…seriously…so I sent N a note on Myspace and said that I hope everything works out for your family. Done. Her mother wasn’t at work and I wanted to express my concern and care for her mother. Well…you came back and was like Thankssss…blah blah blah…lets get together and catch up. Took me by surprise. She wants to talk to me, why? I thought she was “done with me”…and all that jazz? So I said sure…you just let me know. She said well I work at a new place stop in when you have a chance. I wrote back a couple weeks later…that I was sorry I hadn’t stopped in but I’ve been really busy since returning to Hawaii…she said…No problem…but I wouldn’t have time to talk to you even if you did stop in…so I was like…okkkkkayyyy. I’m thinking to myself…no…I’m not going to do this.

So I didn’t respond and just left it. She then texts me the other day to ask for my address…I think for a minute…”crap…is she gunna send me a bomb?” but then remember the baby shower. I think it’s pretty ballsy of her to invite me since the whole show down and that we haven’t even spoke about it ya know? I brush it off. She then texts me and say so you and Metro? I was like yup…we’ll see where it’s gunna go…she says well…he sure is a longs ways away…I said yeah…we are working on what we both want to do in regards to that…her last response? “good luck with that!!” I was like…okayyyyy…these can all be taken different ways.

So thennnn the other day…Thursday I believe…she texts me and invites me to a BBQ that she is having! I was like um….yeah…what do I do with THAT??!! We literally haven’t spoken…like at all…and she wants me to come to her BBQ. Now I’m sure she had very nice intentions…and maybe wants to work things out or whatever…but shouldn’t we at least talk before all this hanging out stuff? I’m just boggled by it. I couldn’t end up going cause A. I already had plans and B. I ended up sick anyways…but it leaves me wondering what on earth she is thinking? Does she just want to forget that it ever happen? I’m not trying to be a bitch to her about it…I’m just geniunely confused.

*sigh*

:-(

I hate the dentist. I Hate pain.

Oh…and I especially hate PAYING the DENTIST for PAIN.

Holy &%^* I’m still alive!

Yup…that’s prolly what all of you are saying I’ve been a horrible blogger..no..really…horrible. Everytime I sat down to even think about blogging I remembered all the millions of other things I had yet to do. Whether it be…homework…chatting…working…working out…researching…homework…homework…homework…okay…I think you get the picture. My life has been nothing but homework as of lately. One of my classes finally ended…so now…it’s down to one…so maybe I’ll have the chance to breathe for a minute…I’m not counting on it though

 Soooo Hawaii…ahhhh…the only way to describe it…is in pictures

Yup…that was on top of Diamond Head…it was horrible getting up there…but breathe-taking once I got up there. It was my motivation…for what…I will tell later on in the post.

Soo Hawaii was full of ups and downs…starting with the downs. I went out there and was sooo happy to visit with my best friend Metro…it was great…until…the girl that he had been seeing for about a month…yeah…her name came up. This girl…grrr…okay…let me tell you the problem I have with  her. She comes from Tailand..that is not the problem here…let me just say that…MY problem with her is that she has NO MORALS. She has told Metro (who then told me) that she has no problem with him sleeping with other woman as long as he doesn’t form an emotional attachment to them. Hmm..now…MY problem is not that she wants to continue to be a whore and think that it is okay for guys to “cheat” on her…but that she makes this seem okay to the guys that she is dating. This is NOT okay. This is NOT how you treat woman. ANY woman…and for a woman to say that it IS okay…is so ridiculous that it can’t even be explained. The funny thing is that she hasn’t been living in Tailand…nor even visited…in soooo long. She doesn’t go by any of their values…or relgions or anything…except for this one thing. I said…Metro…I think this just might be her way to be a whore. She once bought her boyfriend a prostitute and watched them. No. this is wrong. Metro said, “well she’s had a lot of bad things happen in her life” NO…I’m sorry. That is NO excuse. So have I…so have a lot of people. That does not give them the right to think that woman can be treated like crap and that it’s okay. No. Not okay.

Soooo…Metro and I fought…a lot…about this for the first couple of days. Not that I wanted him to simply dump her…but i wanted him to understand that it’s not right…and to try and see it from my point of view (when will I stop trying to do that??!!). Soooo FINALLY…after a little dispute between me and this girl…she said something so unappropriate that I can’t repeat it…and I finally was able to let it go. I stopped trying to get him to see something…I knew that he’d see if eventually if he wanted to. After that…things were even more amazing. Something changed between us. We finally realized that it isn’t about this person not being right or that person not being right…it’s about something that can’t be reproduced with anyone else.

Yes…you are going to read right. Metro and I feel in love…all over again. This has NEVER happened the whole time that we have been friends…nothing crossing over any line. But something finally clicked with both of us. We realized that we truly will never find our other half…cause it’s each other. There is nobody that gets me like he does. He gets me…he loves me for me…he makes me laugh…and we love each other more then anything.

So…the problem. Yes…he lives in Hawaii…me…in Michigan. Yeah. Bigger problem? We both graduate in December…and he isn’t sure that after that if he’ll be able to find a better paying job in order to stay out there. So he doesn’t know where he’ll be in December…he wants to stay out there…but doesn’t know if he can…he’s thought about joining the Air Force…lots of ideas thrown around right now. So we talk…a lot…

About our future.

Yup…we don’t know where we’ll be…we just know that we have to be together in it. After my visit in May/June it’ll be December before I’ll get to see him again…and I know that I’ll just have to take it 1 day at a time. We both love each other more then anything…but also know that we have to figure out what the heck our lives are doing…so I’ve been a bundle of stress and nerves…and TONS of thoughts…sometimes I wish there was a switch to turn those thoughts off.

So…we I got back he sent me a picture that had been taken (not on my camera) and it was the most hidious picture I’ve ever seen. Really. People that have seen it just keep saying…oh…it’s just a bad angle. Bad angle my ass.

Soooo I’ve went on a diet. Not extreme…but no more Pop (those that know me..pshh…this wasn’t easy) just water for this girl now. Also…absolutely no more fast food for me. And I watch calories like no other. I’m learning. I don’t want to be extreme…and haven’t yet…but also don’t want to be too relaxed either. I am also working out for 1 hour 3 times a week. So far…2 lbs…my goal is 8 more before the end of May (when I got back). I didn’t feel good in my bathing suit…I didn’t feel good in anything…and that’s the reason for the change…plus…hiking up Diamond Head…that was beyond rough…so when I do it again…I’m gunna feel great about it…and me

Wow…lots to take in…

To sum it all up…my life is up in the air…yup…and at this very moment…I’m gunna be okay with that.

Head in the clouds

I got nothin’….I’m leaving for Hawaii in..oh…3 days…and have a million things to do before hand…starting with an accounting test tomorrow :-/

I hate accounting.

More later